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Hi, my name is Liane. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2010. I was 17 years old at the time. I had a lot of friends. I was the life of a party. And I always told myself I will party until my life ends.
Then something traumatizing happens; I start to hear voices… at first, I wasn’t sure what had has happened to me but I thought that was the real deal here and I had obeyed those voices in my head. But my voices are extern. Which feels I can hear them outside my body.
Let me tell you, it’s very terrifying! So I start thinking I perhaps have a gift from God why I hear those voices. That I have to cross something magical! Which has led me to only negative outputs?
Since I thought I had a gift and I had the sense that I must obey. I did everything they told me to do for a good period of time. I was paranoid. I couldn’t even hear what was going on in the real world (the reality) schizophrenia got me very deep into none sense.
I believed things very bad for myself like for examples: don’t pee or you’ll die, don’t eat or you’ll die, don’t move or you’ll die. So for a whole month, I was in bed begging to god to bring me back to my good life. But I didn’t lose hope. I knew for some reason it wasn’t the end for me. I was not speaking at all for this whole month. I would only cry out loud.
Hoping for some answers. I am trying my best to explain to you folks that my extern voices were people I knew that were not dead but living. So that is why I wanted that magical gift so bad; brought me only negative like I said. But I was so scared and paranoid. I didn’t want to give up like the voices told me to do. And until this day. I still don’t know what my voices were trying to tell me to cross. The light perhaps. But that’s basically killing yourself.
But all that was in 2010 and nobody knew what I could of possibly have. Cause there’s no history in my family that has schizophrenia. And me and my family were unknown of this illness. I have lost all my party friends. Even they ask me if I am ok and today and couldn’t ask for anyone better then myself. It thought me not to rely on anyone. But I still have my family and a good boyfriend that I am going on my 3rd year together! And they support me 100%. So I know I am very love.
The last 8 years I’ve come a very long way. Still working on a routine…cause it’s a constant battle to get me out of bed. But I am working on it. I started school recently to finish my high school years since I did 6 month of hospitalization while I was in high school and would fail almost every class.
Now I am not doing to get a 12 grade but I am doing it for knowledge. And I also need I new hobby. I love writing. It keeps my mental balance. But I do admit I must re-read my texts just in case it doesn’t make any sense.
This is part of me now. Forever. But it doesn’t define who am I as a human being. I am a lot more than just someone that hears voices.
I’ve been on the right medicine since 2012. And those are injections. My next step in learning is probably having a baby and building a family of my own. I am very excited about that. I forgot to mention I have a job also in the summer in a food truck.
It’s a fast paste but it’s fun. But I wanna do more learn more. I even have a place of my own. And in two months I am going to see if I can buy a house of my own.
Thank you for reading my life.
What are your favorite things to do to keep your mental balance?